I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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