sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
