Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
