i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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