We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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