I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
