Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
