I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize