I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
