She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
There's always time for handjobs
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
