im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
