he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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