pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
