i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
