Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
