The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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