I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize