ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
