When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
