Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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