Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
