i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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