hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
