and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
