Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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