you didnt know i had herpes?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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