I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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