Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
