What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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