the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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