i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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