I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
