Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
