you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
