I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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