i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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