i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
