A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She's the barista slut.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
