What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
