if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
