yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
