A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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