I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
