Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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