I just threw up on my dentist
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
