Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
