Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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