It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize