it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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