I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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