oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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