remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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