Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
