Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
