Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
