Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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