Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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