Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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