do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He's on the porch naked. Help.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
