I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
