I forgot how hot balto sounded
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
