ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
