I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She announced her abortion via fbk
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
