non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
if only i could text you this smell
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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