i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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