I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
