Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
