Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
