Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
