wakey wakey hands off snakey
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
