So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
