I hate your face
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You ruined the universe
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
