Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Can I color on your dick again?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
