when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
