WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Is her dick bigger than yours?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
