His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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