Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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