burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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