she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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