i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
