How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
