just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
