Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
this is an emotional support booty call
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize