I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
