i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Randomize
