tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
